hi i’m jared i’m 19 and i,

dont know about you but (i’m feeling 22) i gen have way too much energy for the holiday right now. IM ACTUALLY GOING TO PAY ATTENTION NEXT TERM! BECAUSE IM LITERALLY GOING NUTS! i cannot seriously do work on the holidays it is bad for my mojo. but like holiday-ing with all this brain power is like going to send me! i do not want to be sent! i am like chi’s birthday present! hopefully it’ll come tomorrow.. 

thing #1: optometrist

guys wait im so funny (maybe) ok so my sister randomly told me “im going to the optometrist” of course to which, in consideration of my beliefs, replied “are you going blind?” BECAUSE WHY ELSE WOULD SOMEONE BE GOING TO THE OPTOMETRIST?? “i’m claiming my health insurance.” “you’re going to come back with glasses.” she didn’t. BUT I HAD LIKE A VALID POINT OK WHAT IS THE POINT OF GOING TO THE OPTOMETRIST IF YOU ARE 20/20? IT MEANS SHE HAD SOME DOUBT THAT SHE WAS 20/20 OTHERWISE WHY WOULD U WASTE THE TIME GOING?? SHE BETTER NOT GET GLASSES. BECAUSE IF SHE DOES IM GOING TO REMOVE HER FROM THE FAMILY TREE.

thing #2: mischa

so at 1pm today mischa and i were discussing when to go outside this holidays and then we realised. why don’t we just go now?? so we went out 😆 anyway i just wanted to flex our spontaneity.. while on a voice call, mischa was reporting her actions as she was completing them. one of them being, “let’s chomp, chomp, chomp away.” after a series of sounds she confessed that “[she] just ate gyatt”. i did not need to know this. i would like to give a psa on what is appropriate and what is not. “gyatt” ╳ “that big fat shark ate me” ✓ 

make like BTS and Save ME.

thing #3: inside out 2

GANG I WAS CRYING LIKE THE WHOLE TIME !!! i thoroughly enjoyed it NO SPOILERS but like it is so relatable and like so coming of age. and like UGH DISGUST IS MY BIAS!! AND JOY!! omg but sadness got like no spotlight.. there were too many characters to share the screentime with 🙁 BUT IT WAS SO GOOD LIKE FOR A SEQUEL TOO?? IT WAS SO GOOD!!!! gang i still vividly remember after watching the first inside out walking out of the cinema completely bawling. my parents still remember too 💀 and my sister. BUT I DID BETTER THIS TIME I ONLY CRIED UNTIL THE CREDITS FINISHED AND THEN I WAS LIKE GOOD TO GO!! stop me and movies are the biggest toxic relationship.. anyway go watch it! if you haven’t already!

thing #4: job

okay yeah i kind of forgot about doing this BUT I REMEMBERED AFTER I SAW.. wait for it…

MINTMYDESK IS HIRING!! online!! https://www.mintmydesk.com.au/contact PLEASE WORK THERE. PLEASE. i would work there if i didnt love my job so much! someone do it so i can work there vicariously through you <3 and still retain my job which i love so much <3

thing #5: lifestyle creep

GUYS OK SO I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO AVOID LIFESTYLE CREEP BUT NOW NOW I HAVE REALISED WHY PEOPLE LIFESTYLE CREEP. IT LITERALLY IS KEEPING ME FROM GOING INSANE FROM WORK!! wait ok i still love my work but like u know how u can love your family and still like RAHHHHHHHHHH yk? the moment i cracked was when the class of ‘09 bundle went on sale. yes i know i can experience the whole thing in walkthroughs. but i want to own it. i want to possess it. i am a collector. I HAVE TO LIFESTYLE CREEP! JUST A LITTLE! to get me through these days.. 😔

look ok i will talk about class of ‘09 some other time when im feeling ranty and like oversharing, estimated delivery would be like issue #43 if all our bonds are on track but this section is dedicated to my spending habits! yes so i might have spent $70 on games last month but like I DONT SPEND ON ANYTHING ELSE OK! I LITERALLY SOLELY BUY CHIPS AND LIKE IDK SHIN RAMEN! stop why have like the past issues all had comments on my spending.. i guess it’s a real issue! 😆 i’m funny.

thing #6: highpoint

omg 🙁 today made me realise how much i miss going to highpoint. “what is highpoint” LOOK IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HIGHPOINT IS YOU ARE NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR THIS PSA. LIKE WHY DOES EVERYONE LIVE ALL THE WAY IN THE EAST?? RICH PEOPLE! gang ever since i relocated educational institutions i only go to highpoint like once every few months 😭 I USED TO GO SO OFTEN. PLS TAKE ME TO HIGHPOINT! I LOVE HIGHPOINT! I SHOULDVE APPRECIATED IT MORE BACK THEN. it is just the perfect size for walking. and it is like never overly busy. THE CITY SUCKS. IM SO SICK OF THE CITY. TAKE ME BACK!

thing #7: yippee!

i was like on etsy looking at getting a yippee figure as one does

and then i saw it was referred to as autism creature and i was like ??? but then i got it! immediately! and then i double checked bc i do not have faith in my media literacy <3

GANG THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE!!! THIS IS LIKE SO RELATAGANG!!! i ‘fw’.. i associate with yippee and i will continue to throughout my many business ventures. we could go band4band 😎 f that we could go m4m 💀 stop that stupid song keeps getting stuck in my head. ok wait im going back to this and where the hell did the band4band come from? central cee needs to exit my head!! for life!!!

thing #8: sewing

i gen miss textiles so much. THAT WAS LIKE SO FUN! i was like really good at it too. all 100s! have u seen my bluey bag?? or like my dumb pillow case! i think i should get back on the sewing grind like that would be so fun. maybe when im like older and bored! or when someone like with a brain can help me crack the sewing machine living dormant in my home. everytime mischa brings up vet fashion i feel so jealous. yk i have like a lot of hobby stuff lying around the house. like an electric guitar and like yarn and stuff. i need to get onto that! well my fingers aren’t built for guitar but maybe yarn is ok. someone remind me when i grad to like get back to hobbying or else i might go a bit nuts! i’m content with being nuts now but probably shouldnt be nuts then! nuts!

thing #9: box sets

YOU KNOW THE NUMBER ONE DETERER deterrent IS FOR ME NOT BUYING BOOKS? it’s having not read it. yeah. get scammed. i need to talk about this first. LITERALLY I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE CAN BUY BOOKS WITHOUT HAVING READ THEM LIKE ARENT YOU AFRAID YOUR PURCHASE IS GOING TO LEAD TO TRAUMA LANE?? WHAT IF THE BOOK IS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE!! HOW DO YOU HAVE SO MUCH FAITH? anyway box sets! the second highest deterrent! am i using deterrent right im honestly not sure but im not checking because i don’t believe in learning on my holiday. LOOK AT THE SHATTER ME BOX SET.

IT’S $25. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THE BOOKS ARE INDIVIDUALLY? $14-ish.. IF I BOUGHT ALL FOUR OF THEM BEFORE THIS BOX SET CAME OUT I WOULD HAVE LIKE LOST SO MUCH!! to be fair the box is literally so like ugly its just the cover of one of them and like idk how to explain it and the cover of the spines like OKAY JUST LOOK FOR IT AND YOULL UNDERSTAND ITS LITERALLY JUST A thin CARDBOARD BOX THAT HAS LIKE THE EXTERIOR OF WHAT THE BOOKS WOULD LOOK LIKE SQUASHED TOGETHER PRINTED ON IT! BUT LIKE COME ON ALL FOUR BOOKS FOR $25! HOW CAN YOU BUY BOOKS KNOWING YOU MAY ONE DAY BE A VICTIM OF THIS! i am frightened. book readers please explain your daredevillish approaches to book purchasing. 

thing #10: sleep (i got it!!)

i’ve been sleeping so good recently!! that means my dreams have been getting a bit more wild! ok yeah i understand how maybe a dream about eating sushi probably isnt shocking to you BUT ITS SHOCKING TO ME OK. like normally my dreams are just kind of lucid-ish doing what i feel like in the moment BUT LIKE IVE BEEN HAVING DREAM DREAMS of just like random stuff. normally when i have dreams that are like involuntary its like.. oh no! i have to write 5 essays! but sushi eating and minecraft playing has been chill!! omg i am like rekindling my relationship with sleep i love sleep so much i wish i never had to wake up !! not to bash being awake but like being asleep is like super fun like i wish we could live our lives just like while sleeping yk we could all meet up in mimimisota or something.

let me know how you guys are doing. or don’t. time will pass anyway! i don’t see how that phrase is supposed to be motivational like the only thing it is motivating me towards is an even more nihilistic world view but like it’s okay nothing matters anyway 😆 do you see what i did there? you better not be planning a trip to the optometrist!! unless you have health insurance!! like my sister!! where’s my health insurance 🙁

never learnt how to f–ing read,

nicole (vine 🪦)