itadakimasu,

life is good again guys! my bloodstream is back on track and i am ready to seize the day! not really. ok yes really the light just shined in my room really brightly. it is genuinely funny how dependent my mood is on the weather when we literally live in one of the most moody weather places ever!! one day I will like move to somewhere with stable weather and then i will be like a horse house. that was so funny. if you don’t get it, that’s ok. you’ll live!

thing #1: new reddit

okay i am writing this immediately because i am experiencing immediate rage. I CANNOT USE REDDIT ANYMORE. the sh.reddit redesign is AWFUL AND THEY ARE NOT KEEPING new.reddit UP ANYMORE. OLD.REDDIT IS TOO OLD FOR ME. THEY ARE CUTTING ME OFF. I thoroughly enjoyed using reddit but now NOW IT HAS BECOME IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO ACCEPT LOOKING AT IT. I miss new.reddit, I am missing it already. In my podcast I briefly covered how on my laptop if I want to look at social media that I default to using reddit. So now, I am going to default to tumblr 😭 I CAN’T DO THIS. I AM GOING TO MISS REDDIT DEARLY. I can’t use reddit anymore 😭 I JUST CANT BECAUSE LOOK AT THIS.

I’m sorry I understand that this is appealing to a group of people BUT I AM NOT IN THAT GROUP I WAS IN THE NEW.REDDIT GROUP PLEASE BRING BACK NEW. REDDIT I AM INFURIATED AND I REALLY NEED TO USE REDDIT. OK NOW LOOK AT NEW NEW (SH) REDDIT. I don’t know why it’s called sh I think that was a stupid choice.

THIS STUFF TAKES UP THE WHOLE FREAKING PAGE ITS TOO MESSY I DO NOT WANT TO LOOK AT THIS. I should’ve taken more screenshots of new reddit while I could. Life was so good back then. NOW IT IS SH.REDDIT. 

THE STUPID LIKE COMMENT THINGS DON’T LOOK RIGHT EITHER WHY ARE THEY CURVED WHY CAN I NOT CLICK THE LINES I HAVE TO DIRECT MY MOUSE TO THE STUPID DO NOT DISTURB BUTTON. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO INFURIATED WITH REDDIT BEFORE. Okay never mind I can click the lines BUT I MISS NEW.REDDIT. IT WAS SO MUCH LESS MESSY AND LIKE EVERYTHING WAS IN NEAT LITTLE BOXES. I’m going to stop using reddit until new.reddit comes back. 

ok guys it is many days after the next day. i had to create a subreddit so that i would become a Reddit Mod™ because they are not removing new.reddit for moderators YET. so i can still use reddit indefinitely <3 yay! please do not take new.reddit away from me. i cant live with newnew reddit.

thing #2: get him back

okay i know i think i have wrote about this a lot but it still rings true. I LITERALLY CANNOT GET OVER SONGS THAT MENTION THE SEASON OF SUMMER or like some other words BUT MAINLY SUMMER. IIRC I have spoken about better than revenge, summer nights on here and attributed my liking of them to their references to the best season. OK I ALSO HATE ON WINTER LOVERS A LOT BUT THAT IS A CONSTANT IN MY LIFE I BET YOU HORRID FOLK ARE LIKE RIDICULING MY EXPRESSION OF LOVE FOR MY FAVOURITE SEASON BUT THAT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE DEMONIC AND YOU ARE PROBABLY A MASOCHIST BECAUSE YOU LIKE WINTER AND ITS COLD. oh that just gave me an idea for what to talk about next BUT okay wait i am getting (him) back on topic 😆 get it. ok no i don’t get it either that was pathetic. it’s okay i’m going to keep it in because you guys need to understand how humble I am for a picture of perfection. ANYWAY get him back is so gang because it starts with like “I met a guy in the summer,” LIKE WOW MS RODRIGO YOU HAVE OUTDONE YOURSELF THANK YOU FOR FEEDING ME AS A PROFESSIONAL SUMMER APOLOGIST “and I left him in the spring” GO QUEEN. LITERALLY 😆 I’d also like to mention how the album cover is purple! wait ok why is this such a throwback. check it (read in livia’s voice)

thing #3: electric blankets

electric blankets are like sparkling water. i am not going to elaborate on that because if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say it (livia). stop ok im /j please do not insult me in public like you insulted the spitting bike guy. i will never forget that. okay wait i got distracted okay so i cant believe people use electric blankets because like WHAT IF THAT THING COOKS YOU?? like u have this thing on u that has like electricity in it and u are sleeping under it as snug as a bug in a rug BUT LIKE U ARE A BUG IN A BUG TRAP OMG also like sleeping with the heater on like WHAT THE HECK hello electricity bill! ALSO WHAT IF IT SETS ON FIRE YOU WILL NOT BE SAFE BECAUSE U WILL HAVE BEEN SLEEPING TO NOISE ANYWAY AND THE NOISE OF THE FIRE WILL NOT WAKE YOU. does fire make noise? it like makes that crackling thing doesn’t it. wait i have never been at a campfire isn’t that crazy why do they campfires not want me? see this is a reflection of the reality that is people believing that their gang is to blame for their lack of contact when really it is also on them for not reaching out LOL!

thing #4: hear hear

i genuinely think listening to music on public transport is so demonic. do you not appreciate the sound of the train being railed? are the wheels on the bus not sufficient despite their going round and round? this is basically towards annie because why do they listen to music on literally all of their travels like ok audiophile queen! and where do u look? there is no right answer because staring into space literally anywhere on public transport is basically a death sentence (speaking from personal experience) and staring at your phone is like wow so u need visual and audio stimulation to get through a train ride.. see this is why it is demonic also because what if someone is like on the other side of ur carriage and they yell ANNIE but no annie doesn’t hear because she is too busy listening beabadoobee (??) and clairo and i am going to avoid listing more to calm my fear of failure. i don’t know maybe i shouldn’t knock it before trying it but like IDK BC I HAVE MY HEADPHONES BUT I RARELY EVER USE THEM 😭 i should start taking them to school again probably. the travel bag has like a little mesh thing on top so i could potentially put stationery items there and it could function as a limited ‘pencil case’ as well as yay headphones! but like unzipping my bag to get my headphone case to unzip my headphone case to get my headphones on public transport is just very awkward. i don’t know! i will try it soon and then get back to you on whether the levels of demonicness have decreased so you can stay safe! you’re welcome!

thing #5: concerts

i have never been to a concert before. I have never really wanted to go to a concert before? i mean they don’t seem like they’d be my gang. they are like loud and also i am not parasocial with artists and there are too many people like i do not want all these people knowing i share their interest in whoever we are watching. but also I am saddened that i am yet to experience at least one so i think i should go see a concert! like last night i had a dream i went to a concert because puptheband was like performing in AUSTRALIA and i was so stoked they were playing pine point and like i was thoroughly enjoying it but like would i have enjoyed it in real life in a crowd of like old men? probably not! where are my private concerts? when will i be able to buy icecream to find all the letters of kesha’s name and have her perform for my sister’s birthday? victorious reference! omg ugh i could not enjoy victorious after like hearing about that guy. its okay i mean at least i wasn’t too emotionally attached to it i feel bad for people who grew up with it though. and the people who were in the show too, of course. anyway i mean id love to see my friends in concert. like i have loved seeing all my friends performances over the course of my life!! please invite me to watch you perform. vidhi i am talking about u. no pressure 🙂 mischa i would ask you but i do not really want to see one of the people in your band and i am sure many readers will be able to guess who i am talking about! special prize if you can!!!!! 

thing #6: lyric meanings

guys i guess this is literally the music issue ! anyway i literally hate myself like i used to look at music meanings on genius all the time when i was a youthier youth but now a lot of the time when i look at them it like ruins the song for me bc like WTH THAT’S WHAT IT MEANS?? its not my own interpretation based on my own life experiences?! or like i find out that my life experiences were like not gang through the tone of the genius interpretations.. oh if you didn’t know genius is like this website where you can like see community or artist interpretations of song lyrics and its really cool or it was… until it started RUINING SONGS FOR ME. i mean it’s not necessarily ruining them but it is like bandwagoning whenever i think of the songs so that the songs official meaning will always be over my head and my interpretation is like inferior. omg wait i shouldn’t be like that MY INTERPRETATION IS THE MOST GANG. DEATH OF THE AUTHOR!!!!! yes i made an english c reference, sue me. anyway like i was so upset when i found out the meaning of ‘i like the way you kiss me’ by artemas OK I KNOW ITS LIKE A TIKTOK SONG BASICALLY (i dont use tiktok) BUT I LIKE IT. IT SCRATCHES MY BRAIN and ugh i like already made up a meaning in my head and of course i went searching for validation of genius and instead found that the meaning literally ruins the song for me! well it doesn’t i’m literally listening to it as we speak (or as i write i guess.. hi <3) it did though i couldn’t listen to it for a while but you know time heals all wounds 🥰 i think this is indicative of a shift in my mindset!

thing #7: anti-edging

guys i literally get asked about this term every time i use it IT SHOULD MAKE SENSE DOES IT NOT MAKE SENSE. anyway i am officially defining it for you today please be grateful. it is like the evil edition of edging okay so its like when someone keeps telling u something bad is going to happen so like you mentally prepare for it to happen and then it doesn’t happen! so it’s like what do you do with all this mental preparation now! you better understand what i mean by anti-edging now. because like everytime i use it people look at me like i have two heads when no it literally makes sense like i would understand it immediately 😡 all of you guys need to have opener minds and be more accepting of novel concepts. i should write an anti-edging novel. it would be 18- because i am not going to explain it i am sure you have opened your mind as i suggested by now.

thing #8: HauntEd

yes it is very rare the thing titles are not all lowercase, but the stylisation of the title is very important!! anyway, omg we finished our computing project!!! you should play. basically the game is like supposed to be like educational but it is like a prototype right now. in the real game you would be able to like add more than just the singular question we have.. but like yes prototypes are generally less fledged out! it is a roblox game if you haven’t heard so woo! minimal effort required to indulge. you should play it! the aim of the game is to work together (or alone) to collect keys and escape the school. oh yeah, you have to escape the teacher chasing you. i am sure you guys will be able to guess which teacher it is based off of the drawing.. (not really.. viha tried her best though..) make sure you play with audio on. it makes the game 10x scarier. anyway i am like really proud of what we were able to accomplish in such a limited time frame ! thanks niza!!!! neither of them are on this newsletter but if you see them in person you should tell them i am proud of them and that we made magic! anyway i will shut up now go play the game. i lied there is still more to the issue read the rest of it and then play the game. okay? okay.

https://www.roblox.com/games/80190886812818/HauntEd?authuser=0#!/about 

thing #9: spring

its spring again.. and the earth is full of tiny flowers.. you used to call them weeds……. i love adventure time! anyway spring! YAY!! i love watching people have hayfever. it is like a seasonal gift! finally we will have good weather again and that means life will be good again!!!!!!! life is always good (manifest) but like now the sun will actually be out it will be gang and i will not complain for the next 6 months trust. is spring going to make me go outside more? no but it will make me less annoyed about it! and that is what matters. i feel like i am always talking about the weather on here but it is not my fault that my entire livelihood relies on the weather 😭 okay it might be a little my fault like why dont i control the clouds in the sky already? that update should have dropped ages ago but i have kind of been slacking off in my position of being the best being on earth oops!!! okay i literally reread the introduction and it was also about the weather that is how often it weighs on my head OOPS!! ill make up for it in the conclussy.

thing #10: podcast

okay guys if you didn’t know i am starting a podcast! woo!!!! it is called decade with nicole for very obvious reasons. i asked chatgpt to come up with the name. anyway my first guest speaker will be michelle (humanities pro) so you might want to wait for that episode to come out because the first is me talking to myself! well you can also listen to that one i know my voice is literally the most melodical most healing sound on earth. when i was trying to pick the cover i decided my creation in connect was the best idea. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT DIDN’T GET PICKED IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME LAUGH SO MUCH. i am so proud of me!

https://open.spotify.com/show/0wUnmnuwwPB4FuMxDzPEIX?si=458c3352edff4980 

okay i feel like i am posting these really infrequently but like oops! at least i am not outsourcing to ai.. or am i..

THIS IS EMBARRASSING I DO NOT SAY YOUR MUM JOKES THAT MUCH 😭 i gave my newsletter to chatgpt to analyse and also to write its own ‘issue’ i actually can’t stop laughing at it, look. i will add my notes with A/N to be a true fanfic enjoyer.

Nicole's Ten Things - Issue #8 (Parody Edition)

Hey, gang!

Yup, it’s me again, coming in hot with the elite takes that keep you living for this newsletter. I see you, waiting for this email like it’s the last chocoLATE on Valentine’s Day (get it?). Anyway, let’s get to it!

A/N: THAT IS LITERALLY MY JOKE it must’ve been so amused AND THE ITALICS I CAN’T and ALSO GANG IN THE FIRST LINE IT ALREADY HAS ME DOWN TO THE TEE

Thing #1: The Ultimate Hand-Holding Technique Update 

Remember when I told you about my genetic superiority based on how you fold your hands? Well, I’ve leveled up. This week, I’ve been evaluating the handshake game. If you don’t have a firm grip, we are no longer compatible, gang! Soft handshakes are banned, and yes, I am judging you. I expect us all to be Olympic-level hand-holders by the end of the year. #HandshakeChallenge2024

A/N: HANDSHAKECHALLENGE2024

Thing #2: My Latest Obsession 

Alright, y’all, I know I go hard with my obsessions, but you have to hear me out. I’m officially in deep with this AI-generated art trend. Do you know how much time I spent this week making AI versions of Sonic the Hedgehog as a Renaissance painter? Like, it’s actually insane how far I’ve fallen into this rabbit hole. Someone stop me before I make my entire class AI-generated Genshin characters for no reason. I won't stop... or will I?

A/N: okay way to put yourself out there chat j’ai pete..

Thing #3: Funny Thing I Said This Week 

Picture this: I’m in class, and we’re discussing what motivates us. My teacher asks, “Nicole, what pushes you to succeed?” and I go, “Well, my success is powered by existential dread and anime.” The silence in the room? Immaculate. It’s true though, gang. You get me. #AnimePowered

A/N: stop why does chatgpt talk like me from 5 years ago. i appreciate its usage of gang! also why does chatgpt think i am a degenerate. 

Thing #4: A New Food Adventure 

So I tried cooking this spicy ramen again, thinking I could handle the whole spice packet this time. Spoiler alert: I cannot. But I swear, this is my villain arc. One day, I’ll devour the full packet without needing a fire extinguisher for my mouth. #Goals #SpicyIsLifeButAlsoDeath

A/N: am i like a reaction channel right now? okay but this is like really funny shut up anyway back to this thing SpicyIsLifeButAlsoDeath WHO THE HELL DOES CHATGPT THINK I AM 😭 THIS IS MY VILLAIN ARC 

Thing #5: Something I’m Looking Forward To 

Guys, I’m planning to switch my Discord account for the clout, because I need a fresh start. Too many people know me by my old username. Time for a rebrand. I’m thinking something edgy like "Nicole.exe" or "TheMatrixNicole." Should I go for it? #RebrandLife

A/N: why is it italicising everything.. i DO NOT USE HASHTAGS THAT MUCH SURELY 

Thing #6: My Opinion on Public Transport 

I had the most chaotic train experience yesterday. This guy was blasting Taylor Swift (not mad at that), and then an old lady got up to give him life advice mid-song. I swear, public transport is a whole show sometimes, and I don’t even need a ticket for it. 10/10 would recommend for random life lessons.

A/N: and I don’t even need a ticket for it is such a good line. thank you chatgpt.

Thing #7: Someone I Like 

Ruby is still gang, but I’ve got a new contender: Sylvie, who threw the most gang birthday party last week. We ate cake, watched the cringiest rom-coms, and honestly, she gets it. Sylvie, you’re iconic, never change.

A/N: OKAY WAIT THIS IS SO TRUE HI SYLVIE!!! her birthday was all the way in feb but CHATGPT SAYS YOU GET ANOTHER ONE!!

Thing #8: Something I’m Mad About 

How is it that Fireman Sam is still fighting fires every episode? The man needs a break. Is his town constantly in flames? Is it a metaphor? Let the guy rest! I am losing sleep over this—someone needs to let me in on the conspiracy.

A/N: THIS IS LITERALLY SO TRUE!!

Thing #9: The Latest Word I’m Overusing 

Okay, I know I’m annoying at this point, but I cannot stop saying “Skibidi.” It’s become my filler word for literally anything and everything. Oh, I dropped my pen? Skibidi. Someone says something profound? Skibidi. It’s out of control, and I’m 100% not sorry.

A/N: WTF The person chatgpt thinks I am is so attractive. BECAUSE ITS ME THAT IS LITERALLY ME.

Thing #10: Why I’m Doing This 

Why am I writing this newsletter? Because you all need this chaotic energy in your lives. Duh. It’s like Brooklyn Nine-Nine meets TED Talks. But for real, I just like spamming your inboxes. And if you read this whole thing? You’re as unhinged as I am, and I love that for you. #Besties4Ever

A/N: omg I DO LOVE THAT FOR YOU

i asked what it got inspired by and it said this surely i do not question my life decisions mid-newsletter that often 😭 anyway i will use what it wrote to end this thing!!! THANKS CHAT J’AI PETE!!

Signing off,

Nicole (but you already knew that). 💖